I had been feeling itchy for a few weeks. On Monday, February 20th, it finally got to the point that I just couldn't handle it. Matt and I had tried baths, cold cloths, and even resorted to essential oils to calm it down. Nothing worked! I had looked up, several times I might add, what the cause of my itchiness was. There didn't seem to be a specific reason. It just sort of happens when you're pregnant. Like so many other things. However, on Monday, I finally typed into google the areas I was experiencing the most itchiness. The palm of my hands and soles of my feet. It just didn't seem normal to me that these were the places the itchiness was severe. The results from google were terrifying! They talked about a condition called cholestasis that increased your risk of still birth. There were no other complications associated with this condition. Ummmm, that's pretty scary! I wanted to call my midwives right away, but it was eight o'clock at night. I had been counting baby girl's kicks for several weeks now. That next day, I noticed her movements were slower than normal. At around two o'clock, I decided to call the midwives and let them know what was going on. We talked about my symptoms and they sent me directly to the hospital for tests to check the bile levels in my blood.
We got the results back on Wednesday. I did, in fact, have cholestasis and would need to be induced. I came home from work that day and cried. I'm pretty sure I let every single emotion I was feeling out. Unprepared. Angry. Terrified. Excited. Anxious. Matt came home and just hugged me. He reminded me that no matter what would happen, this little girl was ours forever. We would get through this together. Since we already had an appointment scheduled for that Friday with the midwives, they didn't schedule me sooner. Though I was told we would need to do Non Stress Tests on baby girl to make sure she was doing fine.
Friday came and I went in for my appointment. Baby girl looked good. Her amniotic fluids were great. Her heartbeat was great. Her movements were on point. There are six midwives in the group. I met with one I had never seen before. This ended up being a tender mercy as this midwife was the one who delivered me. Had I not gone to the American Fork office for the NST, I would not have met her. At our visit, Mandy explained to me that women with cholestasis need to be induced at 37 weeks. I would be 37 weeks the following Saturday. Cholestasis can cause still birth at any time and there's really no way to tell when. One minute baby can be fine and the next, well, not so much. I was hesitant to do this because I was really hoping for a natural birth. But Mandy told me that cholestasis was a tricky condition. She told me they couldn't force me to get induced. It was still my choice. I appreciated knowing that I could make my own decision. We came home and after many prayers, decided that we should move forward with the induction date of Friday, March 3rd.
On Tuesday of the next week, I had another NST test done. This time, baby girl's movements weren't where they should be. The nurse came in and gave me some apple juice. It helped and before I knew it, baby girl was active again. Two days later, I picked up my parents from the airport. The nice thing about having an induction date was that my parents could come up and be with me for the whole birth. After picking them up from the airport, we headed down to the doctors again for the last NST test. Once again, baby girl looked great. Her movements were good.
Friday morning I woke up early. It was the big day and I couldn't sleep! My parents came over and we had a nice breakfast made by my mom. Matt came home early from work and spent time finishing up a few details for baby girl. My mom and I headed to a few stores to get last minute items for the birth. My goal from the moment I found out I was pregnant was to have an unmedicated birth. I wanted to go as natural as I could. Upon finding out that I needed to be induced, I began to do everything possible to help start my labor. I really didn't want to be given pitocin. I knew the surges (contractions) associated with pitocin were a lot harder to handle. I hoped that by going walking with my mom, it would help my body kick into gear. Matt and I had already tried everything, including essential oils! Matt was a gem and massaged my feet with clary sage every night. We did the "Come on Out" birthing script every night too! However, this little girl wants to stay put. I did walk that early afternoon. A lot. So much that my feet swelled up and I couldn't take one more step. My mom had to massage them in the aisle at Walmart. Talk about embarrassing moment😳. The walking didn't help. We came home and decided to head to Pier 49 for dinner. By this time it was five o'clock. We still hadn't heard from the hospital at eight thirty, so we decide to start heading down there anyway. Matt and my dad give me a blessing before we leave. On our way down, the hospital finally calls and tells us they are really busy and don't have room for us yet. They want us to wait another hour before heading in. We ended up at Mike and Jess's house until it was time to head to the hosp ital. Now, things are going to get good.
9:30 pm: We finally arrive at the hospital and I get checked in.
10:00 pm: They give me the first dose of Cytotec. It's to help soften my cervix and hopefully kickstart my labor. I also get a heplock placed. Dilated less than a one.
Saturday
5:45 am: Third dose of Cytotec. My cervix is softer (I can't remember how effaced I am) but only dilated to a one.
8:30 am: The nurse comes in to do the fourth dose of Cytotec but my body is surging (contractions) on its own so I don't get it. I'm feeling pretty confident because all I feel is tightness. I think all the training from HypnoBirthing is working!
11:00 am: I'm still only dilated to a one. My surges aren't strong enough. Mandy (my midwife) wants them to hurt more. She suggests breaking my water. Remember, the whole point of getting induced is to have baby girl come asap. I don't want her to break my water but know that if I don't dilate they will have to put me on pitocin. I decide to give it an hour and see where my body is at.
12:00 pm: Still only dilated to a one. 😒 Matt and I decide to go ahead and have my water broken. (I have since learned it's better to get on pitocin first and then break your water. Less painful.)
4:00 pm: No progress. I'm still at a one. Surges are manageable. Mandy decides I need to be given pitocin. First dose administered.
4:30 pm: HOLY CRAP. I'M GOING TO DIE.
6:00 pm: Contractions are coming quickly. Like every four minutes. I'm doing my HypnoBirthing techniques. Walking around the hospital. Relaxing my muscles. Matt reads me a script. Counter pressure. Light touch massage. Use the peanut ball. Use the yoga ball. Bounce up and down. Use stress away (essential oil). Laugh. Still only dilated to a one. No progress. 😒 I finally decide to get in the tub. This helps. I'm in the tub for an hour. Contractions are still coming. Matt has been amazing.
8:30 pm: Still no progress. The one is taunting me. Mandi says I'm at a one and a half. She probably says that to help me feel better. Matt and I talk about an epidural. I really don't one want one but I'm not dilating and I'm having contractions pretty consecutively and I don't know how much more my body can handle. The doses of pitocin keep getting upped to help me dilate. Mandi tells me getting an epidural doesn't make me weak. She reminds me we're forcing my body to do something it's not ready for. She talks me through my fears but mostly my disappointment that I can't handle the contractions. Matt comforts me too. He's my biggest supporter. He tells me it's okay to ask for an epidural. The important thing is to get baby here safely. I break down and request the epidural.
9:30 pm: Epidural is administered. It couldn't have gone more perfect. I don't feel the pain of the contractions. I feel butterflies. I can increase the dosage but I don't. Not necessary. I feel more relaxed. I try to get some sleep.
Midnight: I've dilated to a four. A FOUR! Hallelujah!!
Sunday
2:00 am: Baby girl's heart rate is dipping. The monitors on my belly are removed and are placed up in me on baby's head. Baby girl is strong. Her heart rate is back to normal but the monitors are being kept in place.
4:30 am: Dilated to a ten. 100% effaced. I made it! Time to get this show on the road.
5:45 am: I have a mirror and can see what is happening. I hope baby girl has hair. The top of her head pops out. There's hair!!! Mandi has me reach down and rub her little head. I'm in love! Baby girl is almost here.
6:15 am: Mandi suits up. Things are getting real. Baby girl is about to show up. My mom is holding my right leg. It's gone completely numb. Rachel, one of the nurses, holds the other. Matt is at the foot of the bed. He is helping to deliver baby girl.
6:21 am: One last push. Mandi maneuvers baby's shoulders out. Matt gets the rest of her. He gets the first skin to skin contact. He places her on my chest. She's perfect! Clara Elizabeth Allen is here.
As I've looked back on the day, my heart swells with gratitude for how things worked out. Sure, it wasn't the birth I wanted but we were still blessed. Clara remained healthy and strong during the entire labor. I had a patient midwife, who worked with me to help me have as much of the birth I originally wanted as I could. We consulted the Lord in each decision we made, as minute as some were, and each time the spirit revealed to us and confirmed the right thing to do. I had an amazing support system. My dear husband, my mom, and my dad. The nurses were wonderful. I got the epidural, I was given pitocin, my water was broken but at the end of it all, I got the most wonderful gift. A perfectly healthy l, beautiful baby girl.
We got the results back on Wednesday. I did, in fact, have cholestasis and would need to be induced. I came home from work that day and cried. I'm pretty sure I let every single emotion I was feeling out. Unprepared. Angry. Terrified. Excited. Anxious. Matt came home and just hugged me. He reminded me that no matter what would happen, this little girl was ours forever. We would get through this together. Since we already had an appointment scheduled for that Friday with the midwives, they didn't schedule me sooner. Though I was told we would need to do Non Stress Tests on baby girl to make sure she was doing fine.
Friday came and I went in for my appointment. Baby girl looked good. Her amniotic fluids were great. Her heartbeat was great. Her movements were on point. There are six midwives in the group. I met with one I had never seen before. This ended up being a tender mercy as this midwife was the one who delivered me. Had I not gone to the American Fork office for the NST, I would not have met her. At our visit, Mandy explained to me that women with cholestasis need to be induced at 37 weeks. I would be 37 weeks the following Saturday. Cholestasis can cause still birth at any time and there's really no way to tell when. One minute baby can be fine and the next, well, not so much. I was hesitant to do this because I was really hoping for a natural birth. But Mandy told me that cholestasis was a tricky condition. She told me they couldn't force me to get induced. It was still my choice. I appreciated knowing that I could make my own decision. We came home and after many prayers, decided that we should move forward with the induction date of Friday, March 3rd.
On Tuesday of the next week, I had another NST test done. This time, baby girl's movements weren't where they should be. The nurse came in and gave me some apple juice. It helped and before I knew it, baby girl was active again. Two days later, I picked up my parents from the airport. The nice thing about having an induction date was that my parents could come up and be with me for the whole birth. After picking them up from the airport, we headed down to the doctors again for the last NST test. Once again, baby girl looked great. Her movements were good.
Friday morning I woke up early. It was the big day and I couldn't sleep! My parents came over and we had a nice breakfast made by my mom. Matt came home early from work and spent time finishing up a few details for baby girl. My mom and I headed to a few stores to get last minute items for the birth. My goal from the moment I found out I was pregnant was to have an unmedicated birth. I wanted to go as natural as I could. Upon finding out that I needed to be induced, I began to do everything possible to help start my labor. I really didn't want to be given pitocin. I knew the surges (contractions) associated with pitocin were a lot harder to handle. I hoped that by going walking with my mom, it would help my body kick into gear. Matt and I had already tried everything, including essential oils! Matt was a gem and massaged my feet with clary sage every night. We did the "Come on Out" birthing script every night too! However, this little girl wants to stay put. I did walk that early afternoon. A lot. So much that my feet swelled up and I couldn't take one more step. My mom had to massage them in the aisle at Walmart. Talk about embarrassing moment😳. The walking didn't help. We came home and decided to head to Pier 49 for dinner. By this time it was five o'clock. We still hadn't heard from the hospital at eight thirty, so we decide to start heading down there anyway. Matt and my dad give me a blessing before we leave. On our way down, the hospital finally calls and tells us they are really busy and don't have room for us yet. They want us to wait another hour before heading in. We ended up at Mike and Jess's house until it was time to head to the hosp ital. Now, things are going to get good.
9:30 pm: We finally arrive at the hospital and I get checked in.
10:00 pm: They give me the first dose of Cytotec. It's to help soften my cervix and hopefully kickstart my labor. I also get a heplock placed. Dilated less than a one.
Saturday
5:45 am: Third dose of Cytotec. My cervix is softer (I can't remember how effaced I am) but only dilated to a one.
8:30 am: The nurse comes in to do the fourth dose of Cytotec but my body is surging (contractions) on its own so I don't get it. I'm feeling pretty confident because all I feel is tightness. I think all the training from HypnoBirthing is working!
11:00 am: I'm still only dilated to a one. My surges aren't strong enough. Mandy (my midwife) wants them to hurt more. She suggests breaking my water. Remember, the whole point of getting induced is to have baby girl come asap. I don't want her to break my water but know that if I don't dilate they will have to put me on pitocin. I decide to give it an hour and see where my body is at.
12:00 pm: Still only dilated to a one. 😒 Matt and I decide to go ahead and have my water broken. (I have since learned it's better to get on pitocin first and then break your water. Less painful.)
4:00 pm: No progress. I'm still at a one. Surges are manageable. Mandy decides I need to be given pitocin. First dose administered.
4:30 pm: HOLY CRAP. I'M GOING TO DIE.
6:00 pm: Contractions are coming quickly. Like every four minutes. I'm doing my HypnoBirthing techniques. Walking around the hospital. Relaxing my muscles. Matt reads me a script. Counter pressure. Light touch massage. Use the peanut ball. Use the yoga ball. Bounce up and down. Use stress away (essential oil). Laugh. Still only dilated to a one. No progress. 😒 I finally decide to get in the tub. This helps. I'm in the tub for an hour. Contractions are still coming. Matt has been amazing.
8:30 pm: Still no progress. The one is taunting me. Mandi says I'm at a one and a half. She probably says that to help me feel better. Matt and I talk about an epidural. I really don't one want one but I'm not dilating and I'm having contractions pretty consecutively and I don't know how much more my body can handle. The doses of pitocin keep getting upped to help me dilate. Mandi tells me getting an epidural doesn't make me weak. She reminds me we're forcing my body to do something it's not ready for. She talks me through my fears but mostly my disappointment that I can't handle the contractions. Matt comforts me too. He's my biggest supporter. He tells me it's okay to ask for an epidural. The important thing is to get baby here safely. I break down and request the epidural.
9:30 pm: Epidural is administered. It couldn't have gone more perfect. I don't feel the pain of the contractions. I feel butterflies. I can increase the dosage but I don't. Not necessary. I feel more relaxed. I try to get some sleep.
Midnight: I've dilated to a four. A FOUR! Hallelujah!!
Sunday
2:00 am: Baby girl's heart rate is dipping. The monitors on my belly are removed and are placed up in me on baby's head. Baby girl is strong. Her heart rate is back to normal but the monitors are being kept in place.
4:30 am: Dilated to a ten. 100% effaced. I made it! Time to get this show on the road.
5:45 am: I have a mirror and can see what is happening. I hope baby girl has hair. The top of her head pops out. There's hair!!! Mandi has me reach down and rub her little head. I'm in love! Baby girl is almost here.
6:15 am: Mandi suits up. Things are getting real. Baby girl is about to show up. My mom is holding my right leg. It's gone completely numb. Rachel, one of the nurses, holds the other. Matt is at the foot of the bed. He is helping to deliver baby girl.
6:21 am: One last push. Mandi maneuvers baby's shoulders out. Matt gets the rest of her. He gets the first skin to skin contact. He places her on my chest. She's perfect! Clara Elizabeth Allen is here.
As I've looked back on the day, my heart swells with gratitude for how things worked out. Sure, it wasn't the birth I wanted but we were still blessed. Clara remained healthy and strong during the entire labor. I had a patient midwife, who worked with me to help me have as much of the birth I originally wanted as I could. We consulted the Lord in each decision we made, as minute as some were, and each time the spirit revealed to us and confirmed the right thing to do. I had an amazing support system. My dear husband, my mom, and my dad. The nurses were wonderful. I got the epidural, I was given pitocin, my water was broken but at the end of it all, I got the most wonderful gift. A perfectly healthy l, beautiful baby girl.
