Oldest Child Syndrome

My little sister is engaged!!  She's getting married!  

I'm really excited for her.  It's crazy to believe.  Not hard to believe.  Just crazy.  We all knew it was going to happen soon.  Now it has and I'm really looking forward to helping her get everything planned for the big day.  

I like her fiancee.  I think he's a good guy.  He loves Linda and makes her happy.  That's what matters.

Now, I don't want to make this a post about me but I need to vent.  I've always been the subject of ridicule in my family.  There is always something to make fun of me about.  Whether it's my nerdiness in school, my lack of a social life, my flat chest, my height, having no friends, ex-boyfriends, my social awkwardness, my love for reading, or my single life.  I try my best at taking it like a champ.  Sometimes I do great and sometimes I don't.  Tonight was one of those not so good times.

Everyone has always "joked" that Linda will get married before me.  It's always been expected.  I've never had a problem with that and it doesn't hurt my feelings.  I have learned to expect marriage jokes on my behalf.  I often get told by everyone-aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents included-that I'm never going to get married.  I know that at every family event I attend, that phrase will come out of someone's mouth.  And that's okay.  But sometimes I take it really hard.  Sometimes it comes out not as a joke but as a truth each person has already accepted.  It's as if they've lost hope that I will ever find someone who will want to be with me.  It's not a joke to them, even when they say it is.  No one ever says they know I'll get married.  That part only comes up when I get upset.  And I feel they say it because they feel bad that I've gotten upset.

The only person I could trust not to say a joke like that was my dad.  My dad has always been my number one supporter in this whole marriage ordeal.  He's always been the one to have my back and tell me that it will happen when the time is right.  But tonight, he cracked the joke.  And for the first time ever, I believed it.  If my dad believes it now, there must be some truth to it.  Right?

I've learned something.  I've learned that jokes come from small fleeting thoughts.  Some jokes even come from truths.  Apparently, everyone in my family has had the same thought.  That I will never get married.  And that is what hurts my feelings.  Not the jokes.  What hurts is the fact that when they start talking about marriage the first thing they say is that it will never happen to me.  When they look me in the eyes I can already see that they feel sorry for me.  I see the pity on their face and it makes me want to punch them each in the nose.

I don't need their pity.  I don't want their pity.  What I want is for them to have faith and hope that I can get married.  That I am worthy of someones love and that I am capable of loving someone in return.  Because I don't feel like they believe any of that is possible for me.

My sister is engaged and I knew it was going to happen.  I know that I have a long road ahead of me full of jokes and questions about this subject.  It's only natural when the younger sister gets married before the older one.  Lucky me! 

But really, I am blessed to be single at this time in my life.  The First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles have spoken to the young single adults of the church and have told them how lucky we are to have these great opportunities before us.  Many young single adults serve in capacities that married couples can't, especially when they have children.  Young single adults are in a stage of life where they can reach out and help build others up.  

One of my favorite talks is by President Ezra Taft Benson.  He gave it to the young single adult sisters of the church in October 1988.  Here are some of the things he says,

"Single adult sisters throughout the church, I want you to know of my deep love and appreciation for you-for your goodness, for your faithfulness, for your desire to serve the Lord with all your heart 'that Christ's true light through [you] will shine..., his name to glorify.'

We see so many of you living Christlike lives worthy of emulation and giving such dedicated service  in the Church.

We see wise bishops and stake presidents calling you single adult sisters to leadership responsibilities in wards and stakes.  We see you in the presidencies of Relief Society, Young Women, and Primary organizations, where your talents and abilities are being fully utilized.  We see you as a vital part of the mainstream body of the Church.  We pray that the emphasis we naturally place on families will not make you feel less needed or less valuable to the Lord or to His Church.  The sacred bonds of Church membership go far beyond marital status, age, or present circumstance.  Your individual worth as a daughter of God transcends all.  

I also recognize that not all women in the Church will have an opportunity for marriage and motherhood in mortality.  But if those of you in this situation are worthy and endure faithfully, you can be assured of all blessings from a kind and loving Heavenly Father-and I emphasize all blessings.  I assure you that if you have to wait even until the next life to be blessed with a choice companion, God will surely compensate you.  Time is numbered only to man.  God has your eternal perspective in mind.  

Realize your personal self-worth.  Never demean yourself.  Realize the strength of your inner self and that, with God's help, you can 'do all things through Christ which strengtheneth [you].' )Philippians 4:1.)  Life does not begin only upon marriage.  There are important things for you to do right now."  

My family, especially my brother, would do well reading this talk. 

Reflection

I've had a hard time starting this post.  Nothing I write feels right. 

Last night I learned that someone I went to high school with committed suicide a few weeks ago.  It broke my heart. 

Brad grew up on the other side of the street in our neighborhood.  He was never my friend.  He would hang out with my brothers, sometimes playing baseball in the grass field by the mailboxes.  Brad was weird.  He didn't have fine features.  He walked funny and he wasn't very smart.  He wasn't the type of person I associated with.  

As I heard the news last night I cried.  I cried for him, for his family, and the missed opportunities.  My heart aches knowing I could have done more but never did.  I could have been nicer.  I could have invited him to church.  I could have smiled more.  I could have said hi more often.  Simply, I could have acknowledged his existence in this life.  But I didn't.  I didn't.  And it breaks my heart to think that Brad had no one to turn to when his heart was aching.  

I know it's not my fault this happened.  I don't have any idea of the things going on in Brad's life.  We've been out of high school coming up on 10 years now and I can't even tell you when I saw him last.  In fact, I don't know that I could recognize Brad if he was walking down the street today.  I know life happens and everyone goes their separate ways.  I believe God doesn't expect us to stay in contact with every person we meet during our lifetime.  It's just not possible.  But I believe God expects us to see people the way He sees them.  

Last night was hard for me.  Not because I lost a good friend.  It was hard for me because some day, I will stand before God and I will be judged by the works I did here on this earth.  I will see all of the times I ignored Brad.  I will see all of the times I had condescending remarks to say about him. There will not be one scene in which I treated him the way the Savior would have.  Brad left this earth thinking that I could not care less about him.  He was probably right and that hurts my heart.  Perhaps in the end it wouldn't have made a difference.  I don't know.

We often underestimate the power our words and actions can have in other people.  We think that the way we act affects only us or those close around us.  In reality, our words and actions can leave profound and lasting effects in everyone we come in contact with.  Even those we meet for a brief second in time.

I love the quote attributed to Maya Angelou, an African American civil rights activist.  She says, "People will forget what you said.  People will forget what you did.  But people will never forget how you made them feel."

As I've reflected on my interaction with Brad, I've been sorrowful.  I can't turn back time and change what occurred.  Brad is gone now.  A life taken too early.  I know some day I will see him again.  When I do, I hope to apologize for what I didn't do.  

I'm grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knew that I would fail miserably.  He knew I would be mean and prideful.  He knew I would succumb to the natural man.  But he loved me enough to provide a way for me to overcome all of that.  He provided the ability for me to repent-to start over, to try and be a better person.  He gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another being.  He gave me the gift of a Savior-Jesus Christ.  It is through Him that all things will be made right.  Jesus Christ atoned for my sins and Brad's sins.  Jesus Christ can heal our hearts-in whatever state they may be.  He can make them whole.  He has the power to erase my failures.  I know it.  I love Jesus Christ.  I love Heavenly Father.  I know they are real.  I know they care.  I know their heart aches when we choose to turn away from them.  We are important to them.  They love us and will always be there for us.  They will be there to help us find our way when we are lost.  They want us to return to their presence and we can when we obey them and trust in them.  Hope is not lost.  Hope will always be there because of Jesus Christ.

I know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love Brad.  I know they understood what was in his heart when he made the decision to end his life.  I know they know my heart too.

I've been thinking lately about this past year.  My word of the year was courage.  Well, I think I did pretty okay.  I'll write that blog post soon.  I just wanted to say that hearing of Brad's suicide helped me decide on my word for next year.  I'll post that soon as well. 

Work Christmas Party-An Averted Disaster

Last week, as in the first week in December, my work handed me an invitation to our department Christmas party.  I assumed my roommate would come with me.  That assumption stuck until I got to know my co-workers a little better.  All of them, I mean ALL of them have a significant other.  Some are married and some are dating but not one is single.

So of course I got it in my head that I needed to bring a date.  Currently, I have nobody I want to go on a date with so I kept putting it off.  All I wanted was to take someone that wouldn't make a big deal out of it.  Someone who I would have a good time with.  I wanted my go to guy.

But I couldn't.  You see, he now has a girlfriend.  A real, life girlfriend. 

That brings us to the day of the party.  I still didn't have a date.  The night before I had called one of my guy friends to come.  He called me that morning and said he couldn't.  I literally called every guy I could think of in my phone and no one was available.  I called the girls too and still none could come.  I didn't think it would be that hard to find a date.  

By the time I left work at 4:15ish, I had given up hope of finding anyone to go with.  The party started at six and time was not in my favor.  On the drive home I got a call from one of the guys I called.  He said that if I still hadn't found a date he had one for me.  I felt stupid and told him not to worry about it, that I was planning to go by myself.  But this friend is persistent so I have him text me the guy's number just in case I decide to take him up on the offer.

30 minutes before six and perhaps after a small intense conversation with myself I called Andrew.  He was so kind and willing to go with me.  I felt pretty proud of myself too for being brave enough to ask him.  He was a great date and I had a fun time.

He even won a $25 visa gift card.  Karma for the good deed he did.

**I should probably add, that I am super happy for my "go to guy".  It really is about time he went on a second date and experienced what it's like to have a girlfriend to hold hands with and kiss.  :)**

Devotionals and Concerts

Last Sunday I attended the First Presidency Christmas Devotional.  This will be my fourth consecutive year attending.  For the last two years, we've made it a date.  I wanted to do the same this year but Marianne was going out of town and I'm still getting to know my other roommate.  I just moved back and there really wasn't anyone I cared to ask.  So instead I shared my tickets with the Hales.  Although, my friend Brett did come with me.

Attending the Devotional is what starts the Christmas season.  At least in my eyes.  It always happens the first Sunday in December and is a great reminder of why we celebrate Christmas.

Then on Friday I went to the Eclipse concert with Jill, Cressie, Jessica, and Kayla.  They are talented.

Saturday I went to the Mormon Tabernacle Christmas Concert.  My goodness.  It was incredible.   I haven't ever been a fan of the Sesame Street Characters but I got chills when they all came out.  It really was magical.  

These fun activities are some of the reasons why I love Utah.  You don't get to attend events such as these in Arizona.

Home is where your heart is.  That's what people say.  My home, my heart loves Utah.  This place is my home.  I love it here.  And although my family lives in Arizona, I have come to realize that they are the only reason why I go back.

You don't get this spirit in Arizona.  The spirit of family, the spirit of friendship, the spirit of service, and acceptance.  People here are kinder.

I'm a Guatemalan born, Arizona raised, Utahan at heart girl.

BTW, I have a huuuuuuuge crush on Santino Fontana.  He was the other special guest at the MoTab concert.  He can sing me to sleep anytime.  

Festival of Trees

For the past three years, not including this one, I have volunteered at Festival of Trees.

What is Festival of Trees?  I'm glad you asked.

Short version:  An event put on by amazing women to help raise money for Primary Children's Hospital.  Over 700 trees are decorated, donated, and sold.  It doesn't just stop at trees.  There is a gift boutique featuring handmade articles, food-scones, candies, sweet rolls, etc., live entertainment, gingerbread houses, centerpieces, activities for children, and even a santa!  EVERY single penny raised goes to the hospital.  That's what makes it so amazing.  Go here for more information: Festival of Trees.  

I don't remember how I got started.  All I know, is that I look forward to the two days of the year I can spend at this place.  It's the best way to kick off the holiday season.  

Most of the trees donated have a story.  Friends/family members decorate a tree in memory of, in honor of, in behalf of someone who has either passed away, is in current medical treatment, in remission, or just because.  

I usually volunteer in the Large Trees section.  Some of those trees are spectacular.  The detail orientation is a sight to behold.  

I volunteered yesterday and will do so again tomorrow.  They always ask the volunteers to read the stories on the back so we can share them with the visitors.  I read a few stories.  Several that made me cry.

The first story was about a young man who passed away at the age of 22.  The tree had a Nemo theme.  "Just Keep Swimming"  This young man was a swimmer.  He competed in high school and earned many medals.  He left on a two year Spanish speaking mission to New York.  He was out 16 months when he started to get sick.  After several doctor visits and tests, not getting any better he came home at the 20 month mark. He was soon diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma.  They started chemotherapy and it didn't seem to work.  The next option was a bone marrow transplant.  They tested his family and the only match was his 10 year old brother.  The transplant seemed a success for a few days but unfortunately did not last.  Three weeks later this young man passed away.  

The next tree had a Frozen theme.  Jessica was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia shortly after she was born.  Her older sister learned to take care of her at an early age.  In fact, she says that by age 6 she could train all of the new nurses who came to take care of her younger sister.  The doctors said Jessica wouldn't live past the age of 6.  Jessica fought a brave battle but ultimately, cancer won the only round it can-the one here on earth.  She lived to a few days shy of her 7th birthday.  When Jessica's older sister saw the movie Frozen for the first time, she thought of her sister.  She knew the relationship Anna and Elsa shared was one she would have shared with Jessica.

There was a Willy Wonka themed tree in honor of a mother who passed away earlier this year.

Another tree themed with horses in a stable was for a 10 year old girl.

And another for a little girl named Braelyn who was also diagnosed with cancer.  Fortunately, this little girl is in remission.  She will be in remission treatment until 2016 and she has a high chance of staying in remission.    

A tree decorated in behalf of a young Syrian refugee who was shot and paralyzed as she was fleeing her native country.

A beautiful white tree for a teacher who inspired students to read.

An artist who shared her talent at a young age with everyone and taught her nieces and nephews to love art.  

So many trees.  So many stories.  One opportunity to take time out of my life and ponder on the meaning of Christmas.  Alma so eloquently puts it, 

"The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul;

yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; 

yea, even a hair of their head shall not be lost; but all things 

shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame." Alma 40:23

What a wonderful promise given to us by a loving Heavenly Father and Savior.

All possible because a boy, a perfect baby boy, was born in a lowly manger.  The greatest gift given to us.  Jesus is the Christ.  He is the Savior of the World.  He is Christmas.  

Life Keeps Going

I've been meaning to post over the last few days but just haven't had much time.  No, really.  This last week was super busy.

I started my job at Young Living on Monday.  Let me tell you, that first day went phenomenal.  I think I already said that actually.  PS, I really like the word phenomenal.  I went to fhe that night and it felt great to talk to so many people.

Tuesday...I was at work until really late.  Then I visited my dear friend Jana at her job.  She's always so busy and I wanted to see her since it had been a few days.  She works at Seagull book and it was nice to just be in that store and chat for the time that we did.  Don't worry.  I didn't distract her from work.  My friend Shelby was in town and Stephanie invited me over for dinner.  That's where I spent the rest of the evening.  I miss Shelby.  She is wonderful and it was nice to have us all together again catching up.

Wednesday, I had work again.  My Tia Claudia invited me (well technically I invited myself over) for Thanksgiving.  She said to come down Wednesday to help prepare the meal.  I love spending time with that family.  Her kids are little angels.  I'm not exaggerating.  They are very respectful and even more obedient.  I would love it if my kids turned out that way.

Thursday was Thanksgiving.  A busy day indeed.  After dinner, Tia Claudia, her two oldest kids, and I went shopping.  I really didn't want to go but I was with them and got stuck.  I'm glad I did.  It was a blast.  We stayed up until 4:30 am and I realized I'm too old to stay up that late.

Friday, I got a hair cut, came home, and then went to the Christmas lights down at Temple Square with the Hales.  Oh, my car was towed as well.  $280 freakin' dollars later and at midnight.  Ugh, it was annoying.  I'd never heard Kevin curse until that night.  He was livid at the situation.  Not because of anything I did.  It was because those stupid tow companies wait to pounce on unsuspecting victims.  My car was literally towed 9 minutes after we left.  They should have come and said something to me.  But if they did, they wouldn't have made so much money.

Saturday, I slept all day.  Probably until 1pm.  I was so exhausted from the previous 3 days.  I went to the Temple with Jeremy.  I helped Stacie set up for her party.  Then I went to dinner with some friends.  I watched the movie Four Christmases with Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn.  I came back at 11 and people were still here.  In fact, there were people here until about 2 am.  It made it hard to fall asleep with all of the ruckus going on out in the living room.

Today, I had church and then went to dinner with the Hales.  A friend came over because she needed to talk.  Then I got ready for bed.  I didn't even get to talk to my mom.  :(

As you can see, it's been a pretty busy week.  I want to write all about Thanksgiving and I will.  Hopefully by the end of this week.  I'm trying to be better at this whole blogging ordeal.

Young Living

I started my new job today.

Usually, all that new employee mambo jumbo stuff gets pretty boring.  Today turned out to be an exception.  The HR department did a phenomenal job of getting me excited to work for their company.

I guess I should tell you where my new job is.

I will be working in the accounting department of Young Living Essential Oils.

I'm really excited.  Really excited.  Like, snow on Christmas morning excited.  Or a missionary mom seeing/hugging her son for the first time in two years exciting.

Lovin'

I've been so overwhelmed lately with all of the support I have felt from family and friends.  Especially in the last few weeks.

Deciding to move back to Utah was easy breezy.  That doesn't mean I didn't think about how others would view it.  To be honest, I was a little worried what everyone's reaction would be.  I was scared...but mostly embarrassed.

I have felt nothing but love and support from people near and far, people close to me and mere acquaintances.

Today, one of the members of the Bishopric in my ward pulled me aside.  He told me how happy he is that I am back in the ward.  He said when he saw me walk in that first Sunday, tears came to his eyes.  He said I have a beautiful, strong spirit.

I was so grateful for what he said.  I'm not perfect.  I know that.  But I also know how good it feels to to be acknowledged.

I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

2 Dates in One Week

I can now officially say my last date happened yesterday!

Before that, it had been a few months.

I went on a lunch date with my friend Erik.  We got grilled cheese sandwiches and cupcakes.

 

I loved Melty Way.  I got their Turkey Cranberry Sandwich and it was delicious!  About two years ago, I went on several dates with Erik.  He started dating a girl and fell off the planet.  Apparently he broke up with her at the beginning of the summer.  Last Sunday he showed up at my ward.  We got talking and one thing led to another.  It was nice to catch up with him.  We didn't run out of things to talk about.  The conversation ranged in topics.  After lunch we headed to the Sweet Tooth Fairy.  Erik owed me a cupcake.  The change in atmosphere didn't deter us from conversing.  It really was a good time.  We'll probably do it again.

Last night I went on a date with Jeremy.  My friend Katie invited me to go to the Bell Choir Concert at the Tabernacle.  They did a phenomenal job.  Here's a picture of me and Kate.

I'm so grateful for good friends.  I have felt so much support from them since moving back to Utah.  I truly have the best friends ever.

Anyway, one of the best things about going on a date with Jeremy is that it feels normal.  I don't have to impress him.  It's natural.  It just flows.  Jeremy is the kind of guy every girl deserves to have.  He is great.  He is funny and spiritual.  He listens.  He is kind and considerate.  He's the "stranger" who left those flowers at our door last week.  Jeremy makes you feel valued.  He's going to make a great husband and father.  Another plus is his mom.  I just love her.  She is fantastic.  

I really can't wait for more exciting date opportunities in the near future.  :)

God is Great

I've only been back in Utah for 10 days.  In those 10 days lots has happened.

-I received a calling.
-I was asked to go back to my old job.
-I had three job interviews.
-I got offered a great job.
-I've been asked out on a date.
-I got set up by a friend.
-I asked a boy on a date for this Friday.
-I gave my phone number to a stranger.
-I've been to dinner with several friends.
-I've received invites to hang out.
-I helped the sister missionaries with a lesson.
-I went to book club.
-I started Zumba.
-I've hugged more guys than I can count on two hands.
-I went to institute forum.
-I am happy and sure that I am where I'm supposed to be.



God is good to me.

The Hales

When I moved to Provo at the beginning of the year I really struggled.  One night, I was coming back from Sandy and the tears just poured down my cheeks.  I knew I needed a priesthood blessing.  I just didn't know who to turn to.  I felt scared, alone, unwanted, and unimportant.  I prayed out loud and asked the Lord to help me know what to do to feel better.  All I wanted at that moment was to feel like I mattered to someone, anyone.  And the Lord blessed me by guiding me to the Hales home. 

The Hales are relatives of mine on my mom's side.  The woman I call "Tia Claudia" is actually my mother's first cousin.  She is married to Kevin and together they have four of the cutest kids.  

I didn't know if they were going to be home.  The only thing I knew is that I needed to go over there.  I got there, knocked on the door and Kevin answered.  The moment I saw him, an overwhelming feeling of peace enfolded me.  I explained what was going on and asked him for a blessing.  He quickly agreed and gave me one of the most beautiful blessings I've ever received.  He sat with me and we spoke.  He made me feel important and he showed me true Christlike love.  He invited me to stay for dinner and his sweet kids, all four of them, came and gave me hugs.  They did magic tricks, cracked jokes, shared stories, and fought over who would sit next to me.  I felt at home.

After dinner, her two oldest kids serenaded me.  One played the guitar and the other sang.  They were great.  

Once everyone went to bed, Kevin, my aunt, and I chatted a little while longer and they made sure I felt better before letting me leave.

Since that night, my aunt has checked in on me to make sure I'm doing okay.  Today, I had dinner over there and I had that same feeling of being home.  

It's tough being away from my family.  Some days are harder than others.  Even when I know it's the right thing for me in my life at this time.  I know I'm missing a lot and I often feel left out.  I know it's not their fault.  I'm just gone.  The longer I'm away the harder it is to maintain a close relationship, or make the effort at communicating, and the easier it is to forget about me.  

One of my favorite things while in Arizona was being close.  Being there, participating and being a part of my families life.  I might never have the relationship I would like to have with each of my siblings.  I guess I'm just not sure how to make it better.  I try but I often feel that I'm not given a fair chance of showing how much I've changed and matured over the last few years.  If there's one thing an Ordonez-Guzman is good at, it's holding a grudge and holding on to the past.  Haha.  But I never want to regret not trying.  Those sibling relationships are some of the most important ones I will have in my life.  I never want them to doubt how much each one matters to me.

Kevin often reminds me that I am their only family here and that I'm always invited over.  It's comforting to know I have somewhere to turn when I need family.  That cold January night, the Hales opened their door to me and in the process without realizing, helped knock down one of the walls surrounding my heart.  

Doorbell Ditching

I attended the wedding reception of an old roommate today.  She looked beautiful and so happy.  A few minutes after I got home from the reception the doorbell rang.  I first thought my friend who dropped me off noticed I left something in her car and came back to drop it off.  However, when I got to the front door nobody was standing outside.  There wasn't even a car in the driveway.  Our front door has a small glass window.  I looked through it to make sure I wasn't missing something.  Then I noticed this:

I feel so blessed to be back in a place that feels like home.  I'm not the best at telling people how much I appreciate their friendship/example in my life or how much good they do in this world.  I need to be better at it.  When things like this happen, it's a great reminder that Heavenly Father is aware of each of us.  This "stranger" will never know how much it meant to me personally, to receive this note today, of all days.  Thank you kind stranger.

Utah

I've tried to think of a song that can describe what has been in my heart and mind the last few months.  Considering how music is not one of my greatest passions, I have encountered a little difficulty.  However, I couldn't put off saying what I feel.

My thoughts keep going to a quote from the Emma Smith movie.  Her father is upset about her trust in Joseph Smith as a Prophet especially her belief in the Gold Plates that later went on to be translated into the Book of Mormon.  Emma tells her father, "Father, sometimes you know things with your heart that you don't know with your head."

That's how I feel about Utah.  It may be hard to understand and even harder to explain.  But I just know.

I know I needed to move to Provo.  

I know I needed to move to Arizona.

I know I need to be in Utah now.

I didn't know the experiences I would have, the people I would meet, or the trials I would endure throughout the last eleven months.  But I had faith and trust in the Lord because He has always been there to help me, support me, and guide me.  He has always placed me where I need to be, when I need to be there.  And although I don't always understand the why's in His plan, I have full confidence that he is preparing me to become the person He wants me to be and to do the things He wants me to do.

I know as more people become aware that I moved back to Utah, they will ask me questions.  I've given a lot of thought on how to respond.  There's a long story, of course.  What it comes down to is this:

And this:

And this:

The greatest honor a person can have

This last weekend I had Stake Conference.

Sunday morning I woke up early and thought the best place to attend would be at the institute building where my single's ward meets.  I walked out the door, jumped in my car only to have it fail to start.  For the next 10 minutes my attempts to turn it on were futile.  Angry it wouldn't start I went inside and sulked on my bed.  My dad asked me if I wanted to go with them.  I hastily replied "no."

I spent the next 20 minutes sitting on my bed murmuring about how things never seem to work out the way I want.  And then, in an instant the thought came to me that I was being ridiculous.  That's something I need to work on.  Allowing simple misfortunes to weaken my faith in the Savior.  Car troubles always have a far greater affect on me than they should.

I quickly dried my tears and text my brother.  I asked him if he could come pick me up since my car wouldn't start.  He kindly agreed.  Less than ten minutes later I was sitting in the gym full of people ready to hear the words of those chosen to speak to our region.

Amazingly, the broadcast didn't start on time.  I guess they were having technical difficulties.  The broadcast began the minute I walked in.  Now, I'm not saying I made it start but I can safely say the Lord is aware of each of his children.  Perhaps the meeting didn't start because I needed to be there to hear the opening remarks.  I know it would have started regardless of my presence, but knowing that I made it in time was a tender mercy for me.

One of the things that stuck out to me the most was something President Uchtdorf said.  He said (and I'm not putting it in quotes because I don't know the exact wording) the greatest honor a person can have is being called a disciple of Jesus Christ.

I want to be like the Savior.  Like President Uchtdorf I believe that is the greatest honor a person can receive.

"A Window to His Love"

by Julie de Azevedo

I want to be a window to His love,

so when you look at me you will see Him.

I want to be so pure and clear that you won't even know I'm here,

'cause His love will shine brightly through me.

I want to be a doorway to the truth,

so when you walk beyond you will find Him.

I want to stand so straight and tall, that you won't notice me at all.

But through my open door He will be seen.

A window to His love.

A doorway to the truth.

A bearer of the message He'd have me bring to you

And with each passing day

I want to fade away.

'Til only He can be seen and I become a window to His love.

I want to be a window to His love,

so you can look through me and you'll see Him.

And some day shining through my face, you'll see His loving countenance,

'cause I will have become like He is.

A window to His love.

A doorway to the truth.

A bearer of the message He'd have me bring to you.

And with each passing year

I want to disappear

'Til He's become ev'rything

and I've become a window to His love.

Halloween 2014

Many of you know that Halloween is my least favorite holiday.  This year however, I dressed up three times.  Yep, three times.  I only have pictures for two of my outfits.  My first costume was for Oktoberfest.

The night of Halloween my sister and I attended a Stake party.  I went as a flapper girl and Linda went as a doll.  A creepy but cute doll.  I might not enjoy the whole Halloween ordeal but I do love getting "dolled up"  :).

Easiest costume ever.  Best part was I didn't have to buy a single thing.

With the creepy doll..

On Wednesday, my parents ward had their trunk or treat.  I decided it would be fun to go.  I dressed up as a kitty.

*meow*

 Then Thursday my cute little niece had a parade at her school.  It was so fun to see all of the preschool kids dressed up.

It's been so fun staying home and getting to spend time with this cutie. 

Miss Kitty Cat with lots of makeup.  

I still don't enjoy Halloween but spending it with these people always makes it a night to remember.

One of the Ninety and Nine

I came across a talk I gave in church a couple years ago.  Some of the lyrics to the following song were included.

I attended the funeral of a member of the Larry H. Miller family.  His daughter was in our Relief Society and as a presidency, we felt we should be supportive to her during the difficult time.  Michael McLean was invited to come sing and this was the song he chose.

It stuck with me and today when I came across it, I realized again how true those words are.  Often times most of us are doing the best we can in our lives.  We're not one of the lost sheep the Savior left the ninety nine for.  Yet, he still loves us.  Especially because we are one of the ninety and nine.

Gone Fishin'

On Saturday I went fishing with my grandpa.  I woke up at 5:45.  The earliest I've woken up in months!  It was hard.

Grandpa and I headed up to Canyon Lake.  We took our water, some fruit snacks, worms, fishing pole, and other supplies for our adventure.  Once at Canyon Lake, Grandpa realized he forgot his fishing license.  Back home we went.  The sun was starting to peek out over the mountains.  The first rays hitting us as we traveled down that windy road.  We came upon a clearing and decided to stop for pictures.  Little did we know the adventure awaiting.

I'm posing for the camera when a man wrapped in a blanket walks up to us.  He's disheveled and dirty.  My first thought is that he'll ask us if he can take our picture.  Immediately after, I have a small panic attack.  I soon realize he wants to ask us for a favor.  Sure enough, the man asks if we can give him a ride into town.  I freeze, unsure of how to respond.  My Grandpa only speaks Spanish and I don't want the man to know that.  I feel as if it could be something to use against us.  You know, cause only speaking English will protect me from any physical attack by a man twice my size.  I tell Grandpa what this man wants and ask him if we should.  Grandpa turns around and shrugs.  He says it's up to me.  I call my mom.  For several reasons.  1.  To ask her permission.  2.  Apparently, I've already made up my because I tell her that should anything happen to us, she knows where we were and what we were doing.  3.  I needed her reassurance.

Grandpa tells me to ask the man to unwrap himself from the blanket to see what he's carrying.  The man has a book, some clothes, and a water bottle.  I then tell the man to get in the car.  Off we went again, on that windy road.  Only this time a strange person is sitting right behind me.  I offer him some fruit snacks.  I imagined he hadn't had anything to eat.  Curiosity gets the best of me and I ask the man why he's walked so far.  He explains about the fight he got in with his wife and how he left his house and walked and walked (like pioneer children).  He probably didn't sing though.  I ask about his children.  Two girls that live in Texas.  One is twenty-five the other I don't remember.  He hasn't seen them for awhile.  My next thought is to share the Gospel with him.  I don't.  Yes, shame on me.  I wanted to.  Believe me, I did.  But I didn't know how to begin that conversation.  "Excuse me sir, but can I share a small message of Jesus Christ with you?  I know it will change your life.  I know it will help improve your relationship with your wife and your daughters."  I guess that's a good start.

Grandpa and I take him to the gas station.  I don't want to drive him all the way to his house.  Gramps and I still need to go back home to get his fishing license so we can get out on the lake.  I remembered I had a Book of Mormon in the pocket of the passenger seat.  Too bad it was in Spanish.  At the gas station, I tell the man he can catch the bus home.  Then I give him the seven dollars in cash I had in my purse.  I tell him to use it for bus fare or to buy himself some food.  He gets out of the car and Grandpa and I leave for home.

It's amazing isn't it, how the Lord works certain miracles in people's lives.  That should be a question but it's not.  It's a statement that needs to be read in awe.

Grandpa and I got his fishing license and headed back to the lake.  Once there, we found a small niche to set up.  We spent the next 2 hours fishing.  We only caught one fish.  But it's not about the quantity.  It's about the quality.  Gramps and I talked about his life and my life.  We shared stories.  We laughed.  We bonded.  My right arm and leg received a very minor sunburn.  It doesn't feel like fall in Arizona yet.  It's an endless summer here.  There were even people out on the lake in their boats tubing and wakeboarding.  While I do enjoy the sunshine, it would be nice to have crisp fall air.

Grandpa is going back to Guatemala soon.  Mom thinks he's going to die there.  I don't know, but perhaps she's right.  David Archuleta told me on our date that before his mission, he couldn't ever communicate with his Grandpa.  There was a language barrier.  But now that he knew Spanish, he was really excited to have conversations with his Grandfather.  That impressed me.  It also made me feel bad.  There's never been a language barrier between my Grandpa and me.  Simply put, I have never taken the time to build a relationship with him.  Saturday, I began that.  It might be too late but at least I started.

Primary Program

Every year, children ages 3-12 put on a program during Sacrament Meeting based on the theme for that year.  Each child has the opportunity to stand at the podium and share a one to five sentence part.  It ranges from a simple truth such as "I am a child of God" to a full verse of scriptures or even the child's own testimony.  Of course, music is also involved.

I do not know this year's Primary Theme.  I would assume based on the program yesterday it had to do with families.  Regardless, these primary programs always bring the spirit.

Lucky for me, I only have one niece and yesterday was her very first primary program.  My sweet sister-in-law invited us all to attend their ward.  When my niece stood up, I couldn't help but smile.  That dark hair and those beautiful green eyes get me every time.  She said her part perfectly.  All by herself with no help.  "Heavenly Father commanded Jesus Christ to create the Earth as a home for His children."  I didn't expect the flood of tears that would pour down my cheeks as I witnessed the simple testimony of that little four year old.  Besides the fact that I am an Ordonez and we cry for pretty much everything, the spirit in that meeting was powerful.  How blessed I feel to have the knowledge of God's plan of salvation.  How grateful I am to know that my brother and sister-in-law are teaching their daughter to walk in the paths of truth and righteousness.

Saturday afternoon, I received a text from my cousin letting me know she wanted to go to church with me.  This cousin has been less active for many years.  Receiving that text from her gave me hope.  She agreed to come along to my niece's presentation.  I was surprised to find tears rolling down her cheeks too.  These small children were sharing with us the purpose of our families and the important role fathers and mothers play in our lives.  My dear cousin felt the spirit and expressed her love for her family and the earnest desire she has to one day have a happy family of her own.

It was a beautiful Sunday with many tender feelings coming out from those we least expected.