Oldest Child Syndrome

My little sister is engaged!!  She's getting married!  

I'm really excited for her.  It's crazy to believe.  Not hard to believe.  Just crazy.  We all knew it was going to happen soon.  Now it has and I'm really looking forward to helping her get everything planned for the big day.  

I like her fiancee.  I think he's a good guy.  He loves Linda and makes her happy.  That's what matters.

Now, I don't want to make this a post about me but I need to vent.  I've always been the subject of ridicule in my family.  There is always something to make fun of me about.  Whether it's my nerdiness in school, my lack of a social life, my flat chest, my height, having no friends, ex-boyfriends, my social awkwardness, my love for reading, or my single life.  I try my best at taking it like a champ.  Sometimes I do great and sometimes I don't.  Tonight was one of those not so good times.

Everyone has always "joked" that Linda will get married before me.  It's always been expected.  I've never had a problem with that and it doesn't hurt my feelings.  I have learned to expect marriage jokes on my behalf.  I often get told by everyone-aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents included-that I'm never going to get married.  I know that at every family event I attend, that phrase will come out of someone's mouth.  And that's okay.  But sometimes I take it really hard.  Sometimes it comes out not as a joke but as a truth each person has already accepted.  It's as if they've lost hope that I will ever find someone who will want to be with me.  It's not a joke to them, even when they say it is.  No one ever says they know I'll get married.  That part only comes up when I get upset.  And I feel they say it because they feel bad that I've gotten upset.

The only person I could trust not to say a joke like that was my dad.  My dad has always been my number one supporter in this whole marriage ordeal.  He's always been the one to have my back and tell me that it will happen when the time is right.  But tonight, he cracked the joke.  And for the first time ever, I believed it.  If my dad believes it now, there must be some truth to it.  Right?

I've learned something.  I've learned that jokes come from small fleeting thoughts.  Some jokes even come from truths.  Apparently, everyone in my family has had the same thought.  That I will never get married.  And that is what hurts my feelings.  Not the jokes.  What hurts is the fact that when they start talking about marriage the first thing they say is that it will never happen to me.  When they look me in the eyes I can already see that they feel sorry for me.  I see the pity on their face and it makes me want to punch them each in the nose.

I don't need their pity.  I don't want their pity.  What I want is for them to have faith and hope that I can get married.  That I am worthy of someones love and that I am capable of loving someone in return.  Because I don't feel like they believe any of that is possible for me.

My sister is engaged and I knew it was going to happen.  I know that I have a long road ahead of me full of jokes and questions about this subject.  It's only natural when the younger sister gets married before the older one.  Lucky me! 

But really, I am blessed to be single at this time in my life.  The First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles have spoken to the young single adults of the church and have told them how lucky we are to have these great opportunities before us.  Many young single adults serve in capacities that married couples can't, especially when they have children.  Young single adults are in a stage of life where they can reach out and help build others up.  

One of my favorite talks is by President Ezra Taft Benson.  He gave it to the young single adult sisters of the church in October 1988.  Here are some of the things he says,

"Single adult sisters throughout the church, I want you to know of my deep love and appreciation for you-for your goodness, for your faithfulness, for your desire to serve the Lord with all your heart 'that Christ's true light through [you] will shine..., his name to glorify.'

We see so many of you living Christlike lives worthy of emulation and giving such dedicated service  in the Church.

We see wise bishops and stake presidents calling you single adult sisters to leadership responsibilities in wards and stakes.  We see you in the presidencies of Relief Society, Young Women, and Primary organizations, where your talents and abilities are being fully utilized.  We see you as a vital part of the mainstream body of the Church.  We pray that the emphasis we naturally place on families will not make you feel less needed or less valuable to the Lord or to His Church.  The sacred bonds of Church membership go far beyond marital status, age, or present circumstance.  Your individual worth as a daughter of God transcends all.  

I also recognize that not all women in the Church will have an opportunity for marriage and motherhood in mortality.  But if those of you in this situation are worthy and endure faithfully, you can be assured of all blessings from a kind and loving Heavenly Father-and I emphasize all blessings.  I assure you that if you have to wait even until the next life to be blessed with a choice companion, God will surely compensate you.  Time is numbered only to man.  God has your eternal perspective in mind.  

Realize your personal self-worth.  Never demean yourself.  Realize the strength of your inner self and that, with God's help, you can 'do all things through Christ which strengtheneth [you].' )Philippians 4:1.)  Life does not begin only upon marriage.  There are important things for you to do right now."  

My family, especially my brother, would do well reading this talk.